Thoughts from a Mama going from 1 to 2

My first pregnancy was really hard. I had gained 75lbs, carried severe prenatal anxiety and depression, that then continued into post-partum. I hated that I couldn’t wear any of my clothes, that I couldn’t really move, or eat what I wanted. I was terrified this meant the end of my career, But most of all, I was very scared of the end. Birthing a 10 pound baby was certainly not on my bucket list. 

My first experience being pregnant and having a baby was so intense and scary that the idea of doing it all again was petrifying. The years went by and I held onto all of the baby stuff, “Just in case.” And as time went, the more they taunted me to make a decision. I hated that pressure. I truly believe the ONLY reason to have a kid is because you want them, so how do you know you want them when you know how hard it is to have them? It was worth it the first time, but is it worth it a second time?

Baby Jacques was the biggest ray of sunshine. There was no one happier than this little boy. Teaching him to be curious, to persevere, to explore, musical theatre, storytelling, has been the greatest joy of my life. He’s growing to be a very funny, stubborn, creative, and fearless little boy. 

After my mental health, our finances, and our living situation finally stabilized, I suddenly just felt ready. That a second time seemed not only worth it, but doable.

Here is the wild thing, I got pregnant again, and it was completely different. I never considered that everything could be not only different a second time, but an improvement. This time I didn’t gain near as much, I missed my clothes, but I knew I’d have them back eventually, my mobility wasn’t as challenged as the first time, I have a frame of reference for the end, and thus far, knock on wood I haven’t had any unmanageable anxiety or depression. I can’t believe how much more I’ve enjoyed this pregnancy.

We can’t wait to meet our sweet little boy coming in May